Later the surgeon told me it was a miracle I ever got pregnant.
Apparently the scarring from the myomectomy had taken over my abdomen, forming adhesions with my tubes and my bowel. It confirms my RE’s suspicions, and it certainly explains why lefty wouldn’t come out.
The adhesions with the bowel were particularly bad, and according to the surgeon he spent some time trying to repair that area. He claims I am now “more anatomically correct.” He wasn’t able to do anything about the scarring on my tubes; I’m not sure if that’s because he had to get out quickly once the anesthesia started to wear off, or if it is actually irreparable.
According to him, it is likely that more adhesions will result from the C-section. He also noted that the appearance of my myomectomy scar should have been a clue that the healing on the inside was not going well. I never knew there was anything wrong with my scar, but apparently they’re not supposed to look like that….I had to ask him to explain “keloiding” to me, and he was really surprised I didn’t know that it was a problem. Live and learn, I guess?
But now we know — because my tubes, while open, were basically pasted to my uterus in inconvenient locations, there is no way those IUIs were ever going to work.
I heard the word “miracle” over and over again while we were in the hospital. Cayenne is truly a miracle and I am so grateful that he is here with us.
I didn’t test at all this last cycle. I had no expectation that it would work; it felt like we were going through the motions, some kind of very expensive and unpleasant kabuki so that we could look back and say that at least we tried. There wasn’t much satisfaction in being right — CD1 was as depressing as ever, CD3 was as uncomfortable as ever, what with the wanding and all, and here I am a week later in a hospital waiting room for another HSG.
Whenever my RE looks at me via ultrasound he says things to his medical students like “scarring” and “pelvic adhesions.” He says “unusual shape” and “difficult positioning.” But in the consult room he says “no reason to think the worst” and “should be clear.” But over the past few months it’s become clear that he thinks there is something going on in my uterus as a result of my myomectomy. He has brought this up in the past but his recommendation has been to just go ahead and do the IUI, but this time he recommended “getting a look at things” before we go any further. I was planning to ask for this anyway since I am not actually deaf in the exam room and I can hear what says to the med students, so it was nice that we were on the same page.
So here I sit, waiting to find out if there’s yet more wrong with me. For the privilege I will be paying a cool $1500 out of pocket unless the insurance company decides to pony up.*
* Not bloody likely.
Since my surgery 6 months ago, my periods went from
“This is horrible! Why can’t I take 4 sick days every month? Who are these awful women in the tampon commercials who go to the beach while menstruating?”
“Oh, now I get it. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.”
But here I am, 6 months later, once again bleeding right through a tampon an hour.
So, a question for my Sisters of the Fibroid.
Does this mean they’re back?
My RE’s office has been calling me. I have been….let’s say, less than responsible in returning their calls. They have been really nice about it and very persistent, and I feel like the douchebag boyfriend who doesn’t call back. Except I’m not just blowing them off because they finally put out.
First they wanted to get me on the November IVF cycle. Now of course it’s too late for that, so they’re talking about December or January. As I’ve written about before, I don’t want to do IVF. Not now, not in December or January, not in a box, not with a fox. I’m still working through why I feel such a strong aversion, and I don’t have a complete answer yet.
My husband, on the other hand, wants to give it another 6 months naturally, then try IVF. He figures that I am still healing, and it’s true that this cycle I’m feeling much more back to normal than last month, so this will be our first real try since the surgery. Also he is finally seeing the urologist in a few weeks so we will hopefully get some more information about the possible MFI. I can see why he wants to give it a few months. But for him, the progression is so easy: in 6 months I will either be pregnant or not, and if not we will do IVF. From Plan A to Plan B (though I really think we’re on Plan Q or R by this point).
Why isn’t it that simple in my head?
When I (finally) call the clinic back, I’m going to have to tell them something besides thanks for putting up with my flakiness. Do I tell them what my husband wants me to tell them, which is that I’ll call them in 6 months if I’m not pregnant by then, and we’ll try IVF in the spring or summer? Do I tell them what I (secretly) want to tell them, which is that I will never, ever be back because I don’t want IVF and there is nothing else they can do for me? Yeah, probably not that one.
My husband wants this. Why don’t I?
I am so, so, so happy for bunny. Over the moon, bouncing up and down, her-turn-is-finally-here excited.
(Go over there and congratulate her. What are you waiting for? Go NOW.)
I’ve been happy for all of you who have gotten pregnant recently, of course, and I have been devouring your updates, but let’s focus on what’s really important here, which is how it all relates to me.
Bunny and I had the same surgery. She did it 2 months ahead of me, and I was so appreciative of her informative posts both before and after. She hipped me to the pants problem, she talked about her recovery, and she even posted pictures of the fibroids. It really meant a lot to me to be able to read her posts as I was getting ready for the surgery in the early part of the summer. (Thanks, bunny!)
And now, a few months later, it looks like her surgery worked.
And if it worked for her, well, maybe it’s not too much of a leap to imagine that it worked for me too. Maybe. Possibly. If I ever have sex again.
Just a recovery update today, for those who are keeping track.
- On Tuesday it will be 6 weeks since the surgery.
- The incision doesn’t look much different to me, but my husband says it is lighter in color.
- The swelling is down for the most part, though every time I do any significant walking (more than a few hundred feet) I get more swelling and some pain.
- I can only wear sneakers and one other pair of soft-soled mary janes. All of my other shoes make my incision and lower back hurt. It makes me realize how important good shoes are to your posture in general.
- I can lie on my side now without pain; still can’t lie on my stomach.
- I can eat without nausea, FINALLY. I have gained back 4 of the 9 or so pounds I lost because I am getting zero exercise.
- Work is still totally overwhelming and I am basically going straight to bed when I get home at night and on the weekends.
- No sex drive at all. I am just too tired.
I am starting to feel like I must be malingering, although I know I am absolutely not. It just boggles the mind that it could possibly take this long to get better.
I am definitely healing. My incision is pulling and hurting when I try to move and it’s starting to itch. Bleh. Still eating really irregularly. I have lost about 8 pounds (which is not a bad thing). Also I think that I’m continuing to get sensation back in my abdomen around the area of the incision. Places where I was numb before are now painful. So that’s good…I guess.
Still mostly just hanging around the house. I am getting more and more anxious about going back to work and have really ramped up my job search. Hopefully I will find something soon.
I ended up going to the play with my husband on Thursday. I made it through but it was really difficult. I had forgotten that Fringe Festival events are always understaffed, so we had to wait about half an hour to buy our tickets, then another 15 minutes or so before we were allowed in to the theatre. That was too much standing. I am glad I went, though, because it was hilarious. It was a 1-act musical called KHAAAAAAN! that was a very cute takeoff on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Poster below: