there’s no crying in baseball

But there is apparently crying in the procedure room. At least there was today. I couldn’t keep it together as my amazing, kind, patient IVF nurse rooted around inside the back of my hand with a needle trying to get into the vein. Eventually the anesthesiologist had to give me some Lidocaine in my hand and start over again. My hand still feels kind of weird; I preemptively blame any typos on Numb Fingers.

Then they started the drugs and that was awesome.

They got 7 eggs and we don’t know yet how many, if any, were mature. All were from the right; sad, scared lefty was too far behind my uterus and they couldn’t get anything from that side at all. We don’t know what the sperm numbers were today, but the lowest we have ever had is 3 million with 2% morphology, so we feel pretty good about there being at least 7 good ones in there.

7 eggs.

I know there are lots of people who go into this and are ecstatic to get any eggs at all, so I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, but I’m really disappointed. We always knew that ovulation was the one part of this whole mess that was working correctly for me — I was counting on 10-15 good eggs so that even if some don’t fertilize and some don’t divide we would still have something to transfer.

Nothing I can do now but wait to hear tomorrow morning about how the fertilization went.

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6 responses to “there’s no crying in baseball

  1. I’m really sorry that you didn’t get the number of eggs you were hoping for. I understand why seven would be disappointing. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling disappointed okay? You’ve been through a lot and it makes sense that you want to have the best possible chance at success. I hope that you’ll get a call that all seven were mature and fertilize. ((hugs))

  2. Congratulations on making it to this stage! And hey, I know the party line is “it only takes one!” and yeah, I’ve seen women go from dozens of follicles to a few mature eggs to one or two embryos…and then a real live BABY, so you can tell yourself, okay, it doesn’t matter… Except that of course it’s disappointing. It’s not shameful to want the best possible shot, and starting with a boatload of eggs would be a lot more reassuring. Anyway, I’m sorry that this is so fucking hard. I will keep everything crossed for seven mature eggs, seven embryos, and at least one baby.

  3. Can I just say (hopefully without diminishing your feelings) that I was NEVER happy with the number of eggs we had retrieved. A number of times i imagined the perfect number of eggs id want and on one occaision we acieved it. I still was a wreck and not happy. So my point is the part where you are at now is one of the hardest so try to remember that. You are wedged so tightly in limbo right now. I remember feeling so exposed and raw and fragile. Seven is really a great number! And all from one ovary? What a rock star. But also, I completely understand your need and want for more. Thinking of you. Xxxx

  4. I’m sorry the retrieval didn’t go as expected (darn you, lefty). Fingers crossed that the 7 you have will be more than enough for some stellar embryos and a healthy pregnancy!

  5. Oh, I’m so sorry that you didn’t get as many eggs as you’d hoped and I’m doubly sorry that the retrieval itself was a little traumatic. I am pulling for you and so hopeful that you have 7 fertilized eggs chugging along today.

  6. 7 is a nice number. It would be very surprising not to have anything to transfer. I’m sure you will get one, two or three good embryos from that, G&L. I’m sorry it feels disappointing to you, and that makes this difficult process even more difficult. I hope that the news is good today. I really look forward to reading an update. I’ve been thinking of you a lot, dear woman.

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