My house is empty.

This is not a metaphor for infertility.

Two weeks after arriving in our new home, we are still camping out on the floor.  The moving company we hired still hasn’t delivered our stuff!

It was supposed to be delivered last week, but on the promised delivery date I called our move coordinator, who informed me that all of our stuff was still sitting in the warehouse in our previous city!  Worst of all, my credit card has been charged.  I have paid in full for this move, and I’m sitting on the floor here.

I called the moving company’s customer service line and they told me that they would not refund our money, but they will reimburse certain expenses.  We have bought an air mattress, a card table, a cheap chef’s knife and a cutting board.  Technically the knife and cutting board are not reimbursable — they will pay for dishes and silverware but no cooking implements — but my husband is just itching to yell at these people, so we’re going to try to get them to pay for it.

Our new delivery date is tomorrow.  Fingers crossed!  If they don’t make delivery, I feel like they should reverse the charges on my credit card.  Any advice on how to approach this?  It just doesn’t sit right with me (to say the least) that they have my money AND my stuff

***EDIT:  I just heard from our move coordinator.  Our stuff will not be delivered tomorrow as promised.  Next week at the earliest.***

My house is empty.

This is a metaphor for infertility.

After a hiatus of nearly a year (last urologist appointment was last December), I’ve made an appointment with a new clinic.  Unfortunately our new insurance is even worse than our old insurance — we used to have coverage for office visits and testing only, but now we don’t have even that.  They won’t even cover the initial office visit.  The office visit is going to be $278, the SA is going to be $165, and any testing they decide to repeat on me will be out of pocket as well.

$443 just to get in the door.

And then after that, unless my husband’s numbers are a lot better than they were the last time we checked, we will be looking at IVF.

I wasn’t kidding when I wrote these posts.  I don’t want this.  I hate the idea of it.  It feels wrong, and unnatural, and risky, and HARD.  I’m not sure I can do it.

But the alternative is never.  And here’s where I start to sound like a selfish bitch.

I know I can be a parent through adoption, and I know that if we do adopt I will love that child to the end of the earth. 

But parenting is supposed to follow pregnancy.

I want to be pregnant.  This is not about the child — whom I will love and care for even if he or she was gestated on Mars — it’s about me.  I want this.  This is something my body is supposed to be able to do, and I want to do it.

I hate and fear the idea of IVF, but I want to be pregnant more.

Selfish, no?

When I think about the resources it will take, the emotional mess I will be, the debt we will incur, the only thing that makes it feel like anything other than a wasteful display of excess is that adoption would cost just as much.


5 responses to “empty

  1. BASTARD MOVERS! I am totally appalled. I know that sometimes it’s not a perfect science, but estimates are not allowed to be off by multiple weeks. I’m not sure what I’d do, though. Given that they have your stuff. Perhaps there are actions you can take later? Does the contract give you any options to reverse payment when your stuff is safe?

    Also not acceptable is the fact that you can’t just grow a baby, and while it may be foolish, I’m holding out hope that this new battery of tests will suggest you can, or can at least try IUI. (I presume you have fewer qualms about that one?) Sooooo…do you think everyone who does IVF is selfish? Maybe you do, and if so, that’s your prerogative. But even if you do, I beg you, please please try not to think of yourself as selfish for wanting this. I think this desire is completely 100% natural, biological, and insurmountable. Some women don’t feel that way, and more power to ’em. But some do, and I am one of them, and I’m not ashamed and don’t consider myself selfish.

    I admire your social conscience, perhaps because mine is somewhat shrunken. But I truly think this is a time to say F*** my carbon footprint, my relative state of wealth, my whatever whatever whatever. You deserve to try to have this experience (assuming you decide you are willing to do it), and it seems almost self-flagellating to add this extra moral burden to a plate that’s already full with complicated stuff. Sorry if that’s going too far with airing my opinions, but I just want you to be able to make this decision based on your feelings about the process itself, and not feelings about selfishness or excess or wastefulness. I truly feel they are misplaced.

  2. Port of Indecision

    On the first count, file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. That will probably get you your money back FAST, because reports to them include the final resolution of the dispute, so they have an incentive to actually do something about it.

    On the second count, I don’t think those are bad feelings to have at all. Duh, of COURSE you want to be pregnant. Just because it isn’t easy doesn’t make that desire go away. IVF is such a huge undertaking – emotionally, financially, physically. I’d be a bit worried about you if you *weren’t* freaked the hell out about it. And I do have to wonder how much you’d be concerned about the “waste” of resources bit if it weren’t for the general pubic constantly airing the opinion that seekers of IF treatment are selfish and wasteful and greedy.

    With the urologist, perhaps look up an insurance he does accept and ask if you can pay the negotiated insurance price out of pocket? It’s ludicrous that OOP patients pay MORE than insurance patients.

    • Port of Indecision

      Erm, and that should say something about the general “public” not the general “pubic.” Freudian slips, how do I love thee…

  3. My God, how sloppy and unprofessional those movers are! Jeeezus! I hope the suggestions from the other two ladies will put them in check.

    Also, I totally connect to your desire to be pregnant. There is nothing wrong with it. I know about your discomfort with the idea of IVF. I just don’t have any magic recourses to suggest. I hope the new clinic will give you a better idea.

    Good Luck!

  4. Yeeesh! Have you talked to your credit card company? I know that some will fight for you if you have been the victim of fraud (eg: you ordered an item, was told it would ship within X weeks, then it doesn’t ship at all, but you’ve already paid your balance off). At the very least, it can’t hurt to call them and find out your options for getting some or all of your money back.

    As for the pregnancy desire and your aversion to IVF, well, I think that’s normal. You know what you want and where your boundaries lie. I think you need to factor out what other people say (society in general) and focus on what you want.

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