country roads, take me home

I don’t even know how to write this post.  It just sounds ridiculous and I can’t think of a way to frame this that fits into the narrative of the last few months.  Deep breaths and bullet points.  That’s what I’m going with.

  • Monday, 9:00 p.m.  I get a Facebook message from an old grad school friend.  She wants my husband to call her.
  • 9:20 p.m.  A faculty member at the university where my friend teaches has quit abruptly.  Classes start next week.  My husband emails a CV.
  • 10:00 p.m.  My husband gets an email from my friend with a job offer.

Holy crap.  We’re moving.  My husband is flying out this weekend to start teaching on Monday; he’s digging out old syllabi (he’s taught these courses before at different institutions) and trying to figure out which books, CDS, and electronic gear he can’t do without for a few weeks.

He’s going to stay with my friend for a few days and look for a place to live.

I’m going to stay behind until probably the middle of October, tie up as many loose ends as I can at my job, do a couple of performances that I’m already committed to, and pack up our stuff.

I don’t really know what I’ll be doing with myself once I join him.  Obviously the job I interviewed for is out: not only is it in a different state, but it’s subject to the plodding timeline of a university search committee.  They’re not expecting to have a decision for another few weeks.  I have called to leave a message with them to ask if there is any news, but no amount of urgency is going to make that move any faster.  It is too bad — it would have been a great opportunity for me, but my husband’s opportunity is a bird in the hand and there’s no way we can pass it up.

I’m kind of shocked at how many people have suggested to us in the last 24 hours that we may want to continue to pursue both opportunities and live apart.  I know there are married couples who do this, but I don’t understand it.  We’re going to have to be apart for about two months to make this move work, and that’s going to be hard enough.  I can’t imagine deciding to live apart on an open-ended basis.  And it doesn’t even really solve anything — we’d just be deferring making a decision about whose career is more important, because eventually one of us would have to move to be near the other.

I am just starting to process all of this; I’ve been composing the job interview update post in my head to update all of you on last week, and then this drops out of the sky!  I guess that’s just life, and you have to go with it.



12 responses to “country roads, take me home

  1. First of all, many many many Congratulations to your hubby for getting that job.

    Wow, we just expected to read about how your interview went, and look at you…..your world has channnnnnnged!

    First of all, I want to let you know, that in case you guys are not happy about living apart, then like you said, you could always just finish your work here and go join him in October (and then hunt for a job). If the suggestion by people to live apart does not suit you both as a couple, just don’t do it.

    Secondly, what your husband has is confirmed, but the result for the job you interviewed for and the process won’t be out for a while. Listen to the moment –> your husband wants to do this work. He wants to do it….let him go ahead and remember that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

    From whatever I know/understand about you, you won’t wallow around at home for long, you will also find a way to supplement the income. Let him go ahead and take the job, and you go with him as soon as your commitments are over!

    • That’s exactly what we’re planning — he is out of here on Saturday, and I’m going to follow him in about 2 months. Living apart is not going to work for us. We’re really excited but our heads are sort of spinning!

  2. A question: Is your hubby moving to a state than has IVF insurance coverage?

  3. I have to admit, the question above is the first one that occurred to me. How sad is that? Who cares about your husband’s career, is there IVF COVERAGE?!?!

    How fantastic for your husband. He must be so totally thrilled and excited, and if he’s like me, terrified. This is amazing, and such an instant transformation. I confess that I wish it had been YOUR amazing new job that changed your lives, but that’s just because it would be so awesome to see you get some damn career fulfillment. And while I hear what you’re saying about not considering living apart for more than a couple months, it sounds like you’re also not telling them you’re pulling out of consideration, which seems like a good idea. Who knows what might happen–may as well see if they offer you the job.

    I’m excited that things are changing. This is wonderful, and though I’m sure many aspects of it will be hard, I LOVE that you’re entering a new phase.

    • I think I am going to pull out of the search for the other job, but because the person who recruited me for that one is also good buddies with my current dean I am going to have to do it as professionally and pleasantly as possible so as not to burn bridges in either place.

      Thanks for your comment, we’re excited too. Unfortunately no, there’s no insurance mandate in our new state. We’ll have to figure something else out — but this is still an improvement over our current situation.

  4. Wow, that IS big news. And we thought only bad things came from FB!!

    I’m sure that everything will work out nicely.

  5. Congratulations!!!

    Life doesn’t always (ever?) go as planned, but this is a wonderful opportunity for your husband, and it will probably be good for your whole family just because…well, he’ll be happy, right? And that makes the marriage happier, right? Good thing.

  6. Holy crap is right! What a total game changer, yes, I just used a ridiculously dorky expression. How exciting! I just went through the same thing, moving for hubs job. I was alone & going thru ivf & subsequent m/c while we briefly lived apart. It isn’t terrible in the short term.
    So exciting! Embrace change, may it be very good for both of you. 🙂

  7. Port of Indecision

    Oh man, what a surprise! But a good one. BEst of luck with the move, and getting everything all sorted out. I hope this is just one of many positive changes to come.

  8. Yeeha, that’s awesome! I know you’ve talked about moving for a while, so you someone in the universe must’ve heard your call to action… very exciting – wishing you tons of luck and happiness.

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