Monthly Archives: April 2011

choice means all choices

Here’s my entry in Resolve’s NIAW “Bust an Infertility Myth” challenge.  I am late to the party as usual, but there is still time to add your voice to the chorus!  The deadline is April 30.  Because I’m pathologically unable to follow directions, I am not using one of Resolve’s list of myths.

Myth:  Infertility is nature’s way of curbing overpopulation.  People who can’t have children should not defy nature and should be content not to use more than their share of resources.

This is pure unadulterated bullshit.

I see it a lot online when there is press coverage of infertility (such as when Robert Edwards was awarded the Nobel Prize last year).  The liberals, the environmentalists, the supposed feminists come out of the woodwork to condemn people with infertility for seeking treatment.  Haven’t we heard about overpopulation?  Who are we to add to the problem?

There are two distinct problems with this myth, and I’ll address them both.

First (and this one really cuts me deep, because the liberals, the environmentalists, the feminists … these are my people), reproductive choice means CHOICE.  It doesn’t mean only prevention.  It doesn’t mean only abortion.  If it really means choice, it must also mean the choice to have children, and if we really care about ensuring reproductive choice, then access to fertility treatments should be right up there on the progressive agenda along with protecting Roe and fighting for parental leave.

Second, it’s not even true.  The way to reduce family sizes, to improve birth outcomes, to improve women’s health, is to educate women and girls and provide realistic options for family planning.  Education, equal protection under the law, access to contraception.  Striving to make every child a wanted child.  That is the way to combat overpopulation.  Not shaming people with infertility for trying to treat their medical condition and exercise their reproductive choice.  Infertility and overpopulation have nothing to do with each other.


what day is it?

I have absolutely no idea what cycle day I’m on.  I know from my CM and my stoopid sore breasts that I’m past ovulation, but beyond that, beats me!

It feels really weird and unstable, and I think I’m going to have to go back to keeping track.  I stopped actually counting months ago, given that knowing is only half the battle and no degree of awareness of my cycle is going to get me pregnant, but it wasn’t until this month that I really lost that constant awareness.  My cycles are so regular that it’s easy to keep track without trying too hard, but this month has just flown by so quickly and even with a calendar I couldn’t tell you when I had my last period.

My life has gotten so packed with obligations, which is why I haven’t been posting or commenting and am now sitting here at 4:30 in the morning finally posting something.  I may not know what cycle day I’m on, but I can tell you what I did every weekend this month and will do again this coming weekend:  work, work, and more work.

everything you always wanted to know about me (but were afraid to ask)

Helpfully arranged in alphabetical order.

I saw this meme at Misconceptions About Conception and decided to give it a try.

A. Age: 32.

B. Bed size: Queen. .

C. Chore you dislike: All of them, lol!  But if I had to pick one most-hated chore, it would be cleaning the fucking blinds.

D. Dogs: I have no quarrel with dogs, but none of them live in my house.  The downstairs neighbors have two dogs, one very big, one very small.  I don’t know what breeds they are.

E. Essential start to your day:  Coffee.  And lots of it.

F. Favorite color:  Green.

G. Gold or silver:  I wear very little jewelry, and when I do it’s usually big chunky colorful necklaces that look like I bought them at World Market.

H. Height:  5’4″.

I. Instruments you play(ed):  I play the clarinet.  I also had some piano lessons when I was a kid (enough to get through my college keyboard requirement).

J. Job title:  On my business cards: Assistant Director.  On file in HR (for pay scale purposes): Administrative Assistant.

K. Kids:  None yet.

L. Live:  The top floor of a duplex in a gentrifying urban neighborhood.

M. Mom’s name:  Margaret.

N. Nicknames:  None.  My name doesn’t shorten easily.

O. Overnight hospital stays:  Just one.

P. Pet peeves:  People who say “regiment” when they mean “regimen.”  No, you are not actually starting an exercise regiment, and it’s judgey of me but I am going to take you less seriously when you say you are.  This usage is surprisingly common.

Q. Quote from a movie:  “I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.”  (John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything.)

R. Righty or lefty:  Righty.

S. Siblings:  One brother, a year younger.

T. Time you wake up:  6:30.

U. Underwear:  Hanes cotton with the special comfort waistband.  Because I’m all about luxury.

V. Vegetables you don’t like:  Beets.  Ugh.  I always figured I just didn’t like crappy canned beets and was really excited to try cooking fresh beets.  I roasted them, sauteed them, boiled them, grated them into salad, and guess what?  Still gross.  The other thing I have tried really, really hard to like is bitter melon.  I like most other vegetables.

W. What makes you run late:  Pure unadulterated laziness.  I am rarely late, but when I am it’s because I just didn’t want to get out of bed.

X. X-rays you’ve had:  teeth, of course.  My head, when I had a concussion as a kid.  My right arm after a car accident.

Y. Yummy food you make:  I love to cook but am not necessarily very accomplished.  Mostly I just mess around in the kitchen.  My current favorite is what I call “fancy ramen.”  Homemade chicken broth with lots of ginger, egg drops, ramen noodles, baby pak choi, and mushrooms.  Topped with chopped chilli peppers, scallions, fresh basil, and a little bit of tomato.  A great quick weekend lunch — by the time the broth is boiling the veggies are chopped, so it’s just 3 minutes of cook time.

Z. Zoo animal favorites:  Penguins, what else?

is there a doctor in the house?

Why yes, yes there is!  My husband successfully defended yesterday afternoon.


in which i try something for once instead of just whining about it

So I am working on applying for a job out of state.  This would be a great opportunity for me, it actually pays a living wage, it’s in a part of the country that would have lots of opportunities for my husband, and we have friends not too far away.  It is a long shot for me — the equivalent of my current boss’s job at a different institution.  I think I would be good at it, but in a very, very different way than her.

It’s in a state that mandates insurance coverage of IVF.  (Why yes, that is the very first thing I Googled.  Why do you ask?)

Don’t fuck this up.  Don’t fuck this up.  Don’t fuck this up.

A few months ago I passed up the opportunity to apply for something that I think I would have been great at.  I just freaked out at the last minute and didn’t submit my CV.  (This one was an academic job that has a strong community outreach component, so my last few years in admin would have actually been a plus instead of a minus.)  I went pretty far in the process, updating my information, asking people to be references, etc. but when it came down to it I just couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger.  A stupid missed opportunity, but I’m not going to miss this one.

I should be able to submit all of my materials tonight.

***EDIT:  Materials are in!  Now we just wait…..


Where would there be leather enough to cover the entire world?  The earth is covered over merely with the leather of my sandals.

That’s Santideva, the eighth-century Buddhist monk to whom the Dharma text A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life is attributed, walking up through the centuries to tell me to stop being such a freaking drama queen.

So the whole world is covered with jagged rocks, Santideva says.  You try to walk around and your feet hurt.  You cry and cry but the rocks don’t get any less jagged.  You wish the rocks were gone but they’re still there.  The only way to get any relief is to cover them over with leather so that they won’t cut your feet with every step.

Of course there isn’t enough leather in the world to cover all the sharp rocks … but the other way to cover every single rock with leather is to put on a pair of shoes.

I think I have been standing around screaming at the rocks while my feet bleed.  It’s time to put on some damned shoes.

I know that talk is cheap and that I’ve posted on this blog many times before about how I’m going to change this or that, and yet somehow I always slip back into that dark cave full of jagged rocks.  I don’t know how to get from the resolution to an actual change, but I do think I’m inching towards something better, despite all the times I fall down.  (And I do fall down a lot.)  But unlike at work, or in performance, or in most other aspects of my life, I can make mistakes while I try to make myself better.  No one can fire me from being me, so I’m really trying to be gentle and forgiving with myself as I try not to lose 2011.

I’m still me, and I’m still on the path, even if I totally fail at daily 2011 updates (did you notice I took the page down?  It was getting embarrassing).  I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I’m not sure I have a point at all, but I just wanted to say that I’m still here and I’m still trying.

is this thing on?

Excuse me while I blow the dust off the cover of my Intertubes Access Device….

It appears I have a weblog.  Of sorts.  Which is hopelessly out of date.

So here are some updates.

  • TTC update:  Still fucking.  No baby yet.
  • Japan update:  Still worried.  Dad still OK.
  • Husband dissertation update:  Approved by graduate office.  Defense on April 15.

And that’s about it, folks!

There have been lots of successful cycles over the past few weeks and I hope you’re partying it up with the ladies who are looking at TWO LINES and DOUBLING BETAS.