why i choose him

My therapist has given me another assignment this week.  This one is much easier than the last one.

We were talking about relationships, and I confided that I’m continually amazed not only that my husband chose me lo these many years ago, but that he continues to choose me.  Broken, depressed, underemployed, boring, and fat…and he continues to choose life with me.  It’s an astonishing thing, really.

My assignment is to think about why I continue to choose him.

Isn’t it obvious?  Can’t everyone see what I see?  Why wouldn’t I choose him?  Wouldn’t everyone?

And the point, of course, is that everyone doesn’t choose him.  I do.  And my reasons for that are harder to articulate than I would have thought.

He is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.  This is hugely important to me as a bona fide nerd, and he regularly blows me away with his insights.  Most people are either logical/analytical or intuitive/right brained, but my amazing husband does both.

He is openminded.  We have taught each other so much.  Both of us like to think about things from multiple perspectives, and he is always so open to another way of looking at a situation.  Even when he thinks I’m batshit flat-out wrong (as when we discuss religion), he respects my opinion and really listens to it.  Every time.  Even when he’s heard it before.  And when he decides he’s wrong, he learns and adjusts.

He is a gifted artist with a unique worldview.  His great passion is the connections between art and science (he very narrowly missed being a physicist and is a composer instead).  He has no patience for people who try to set art and science against each other.  In his mind, both are inherently logical and inherently passionate.  Both try to put the world into terms people can understand. Both are processes; both are bodies of knowledge.

He is, of course, monumentally sexy.

But the trouble with this list is, I don’t want it to sound like he has to earn my love.  He has it, just for being who he is.  He doesn’t have to continually say clever things or make good art or even comb his hair.  If he were to stop all of that, I would love him anyway.


6 responses to “why i choose him

  1. “If he were to stop all of that, I would love him anyway.” I absolutely love this post. xoxo

  2. I don’t know if you ever read the NYtimes, a few months ago there was an article about marriage and the ultimate key to success seems to be how much your partner helps you grow. You know, challenges you, teaches you, inspires you. Sounds like you have the right ingredients for a long, healthy marriage. Indeed a very important something to be thankful for 🙂

  3. He sounds like a wonderful guy. And it seems like a great idea to write out all those things you appreciate about him. Maybe I should do that, too…

  4. Awwww. You are a lucky woman! I only wish you weren’t so hard on yourself and can make a similar list about yourself.

  5. Beautiful post!
    We both had to answer this question for our homestudy, and it was really interesting trying to explain to someone who didn’t know us what we loved about each other and why.

  6. He had me at the penguin.

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