in which my subconscious reminds me that i am infertile … as if i could forget

I had the dream on Friday night.

In the dream, I go to work.  I cook dinner.  I go to rehearsal.  I teach lessons.  I kiss my husband.  I get stuck in traffic.  I clean the bathroom.  It’s really quite boring.

Except that in the dream I’m pregnant.

I’m 8 weeks in the dream.  I haven’t told anyone and I don’t have any symptoms, but I know s/he is there.  I have a beautiful secret and my body is taking over, helping the fetus grow without even trying.  My whole body feels electric and my uterus feels bright.  I already feel like a mother.

Then I wake up and it’s all a lie.

Every.  Goddamn.  Time.

Advertisements

4 responses to “in which my subconscious reminds me that i am infertile … as if i could forget

  1. I used to look at those dreams as a sign of things to come…but nothing ever came of them…
    They can be really tough to take sometimes :(.

  2. It seems so cruel that your subconscious would taunt you with this almost-real experience. Those dreams are so incredibly vivid and feel awful upon waking. I’m hoping that the next time you go through this experience, no amount of pinching yourself can make you wake up.

  3. That’s heartbreaking. I only hope that these sorts of dreams are just a glimpse of preparing you for the future.

  4. Oh what a cruel dream. Yet also a hopeful one. You deserve to have it come true.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s