My RE’s office has been calling me. I have been….let’s say, less than responsible in returning their calls. They have been really nice about it and very persistent, and I feel like the douchebag boyfriend who doesn’t call back. Except I’m not just blowing them off because they finally put out.
First they wanted to get me on the November IVF cycle. Now of course it’s too late for that, so they’re talking about December or January. As I’ve written about before, I don’t want to do IVF. Not now, not in December or January, not in a box, not with a fox. I’m still working through why I feel such a strong aversion, and I don’t have a complete answer yet.
My husband, on the other hand, wants to give it another 6 months naturally, then try IVF. He figures that I am still healing, and it’s true that this cycle I’m feeling much more back to normal than last month, so this will be our first real try since the surgery. Also he is finally seeing the urologist in a few weeks so we will hopefully get some more information about the possible MFI. I can see why he wants to give it a few months. But for him, the progression is so easy: in 6 months I will either be pregnant or not, and if not we will do IVF. From Plan A to Plan B (though I really think we’re on Plan Q or R by this point).
Why isn’t it that simple in my head?
When I (finally) call the clinic back, I’m going to have to tell them something besides thanks for putting up with my flakiness. Do I tell them what my husband wants me to tell them, which is that I’ll call them in 6 months if I’m not pregnant by then, and we’ll try IVF in the spring or summer? Do I tell them what I (secretly) want to tell them, which is that I will never, ever be back because I don’t want IVF and there is nothing else they can do for me? Yeah, probably not that one.
My husband wants this. Why don’t I?