seven

I started this blog in March and since then I have collected an amazing group of bloggers whose stories I have been following. There are 24 of you there on my blogroll, and you represent so many different aspects of the ALI community.

As I’ve said before, I love the ALI label because it is so inclusive.  There are so many ways to get here and so many different experiences we all have.  One way to think about that is to start parsing:  infertility, subfertility, childfree, secondary infertility, partner’s infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, pregnancy after infertility, and even further, into specific diagnoses.  The Stirrup Queen’s blogroll does that, and it’s a great resource for finding others who took the same road to get here.

But.

Regardless of how we got here, how long we’ve been here, and how long we’ll stay, here we all are.  And the only way to acknowledge that is to be as INCLUSIVE as possible.

I’m switching the label on my blogroll to say ALI instead of IF for that reason, and while that is certainly breaking news (*eyeroll*), it isn’t really the reason for this post.

Right now, at this moment, of the 24 of you who are listed to the right, SEVEN OF YOU ARE PREGNANT.  SEVEN.  If you’re keeping score at home, that’s 29%.  In 5 months.  Not a bad success rate, eh?  🙂

I was thinking about that, and thinking about how when I first started reading ALI blogs, how it would make my heart sink to click on a blog to find ultrasound photos and morning sickness updates.  I really appreciated finding neatly sorted blogrolls that indicated “IF” and “pregnant” and “parenting.”  I avoided “pregnant” and “parenting” like the plague.  I used to think, “Well, it worked for them.  They couldn’t understand.”

But now I’ve been here a while, and I’ve gotten to know you, and you DO understand.  Because you’re here too.  We’re all here, wherever “here” is and however we got here.  *waves hello*  And my heart has expanded and I am so genuinely happy for ALL SEVEN OF YOU and I am ashamed to have had such a divisive and selfish reaction in the past.

Maybe I will be fertile once I have recovered from this surgery.  Maybe the fibroids were just masking another issue and I will never, ever get pregnant.  I just don’t know.  But I am hopeful, and I am grateful for all of you, and I am here.  Regardless of what happens, even if I get knocked up on our very first try (ha!), I will always have been here. I will always understand.

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21 responses to “seven

  1. 7/24 is a great rate! And I had the same experience — initially I couldn’t look at blogs of pregnancy pics and such, but now, I’m so happy for every one of us that finally is successful.

  2. Good stuff Lime. I love to see you in this place!

    You are getting stronger. I don’t think there is any shame in having lived in that place. It is brutal to watch The Haves when you are a Have Not. Damn, I am still struggling with The Haves when I am one!

    I am going to try to follow your lead. Your post is really well timed for me. Thanks Lime.

  3. I am glad you are doing well, recovery-wise. I think it has been a little while since I last commented.
    It is pretty incredible that in 5 months 7 out of 24 women have gone on to conceive. I too was the same way, in fact I needed to stop following some newly-pregnant bloggers but now I go to the LFCA often and look for those success stories.

    It is SO important to have those people that GET it. Thank You! 🙂

  4. Great post. I echo Roccie in that I envy the haves even though I suppose I count as one for the moment, too. I still find myself jealously eyeing my coworkers’ bellies (none of you bitches better be pregnant!) which is incredibly stupid becuase it would actually be NICE to have a co-pregnant co-worker. But I don’t know if this is just a bad habit I’ve gotten into (of hating pregnant ladies), or if I am still justifiably jealous of people who post their +hpt on facebook, so sure are they that all will work out and those magical beanie babies of joy will be accompanying them in their sweet dreams as they sail on through life like a knife through hot butter (how’s that for an image?).

    I too also went back and forth about whether I wanted blog friends to be pregnant or not. There was a period of tie from Feb to May or something when NO ONE got pregnant, none of my online buddies. That scared me. Then, around May, EVERYONE started getting pregnant, and then I was jealous… then I got pregnant, and I was worried that my blog friends wouldn’t like me anymore… sigh. I still have a problem with pregnant bloggers cause I think, ‘what if I lose my baby and she doesn’t? How will I deal with continuing to read her blog?’…

    It is very complicated, this world. We are close and we need each other, but there is of course jealousy and prickliness there, too. We all just want that baby so much!

    As for you, you sound very upbeat and hopeful, and I too am really hopeful that these pesky fibroids were IT. Why not?

  5. Believe me, I have been there.

    Thanks for being so considerate, and I feel so lucky to be, for a change, on the right side of the statistics.

    I hope good things for you. And I love your shifting from IF to ALI….speaks volumes!

  6. I struggle with the pregnant/not pregnant blog reading thing. After my last loss, I unsubscribed to all pregnant blogs. It was just too hard and I couldn’t deal with it. Later, as the not pregnant blogs I was still reading GOT pregnant, I found I could keep reading.

    It’s just. so. hard. I don’t think you were being divisive and selfish, just doing what you could handle.

    I am hoping against hope that you get pregnant on your first try sans fibroids.

    I’m a bit of an idiot and don’t know what ALI stands for? 🙂

  7. Was just reading backwards, and wanted to say I love this post–really, we’re all in the same lifeboat, and we need to make sure we all stay afloat. I hope that now that the pain is over, and you’re on the road to recovery, things go well in this next cycle … I’ll be thinking of you.

  8. Pingback: out of practice | ginger and lime

  9. Pingback: a question for all the pregnant ladies | ginger and lime

  10. I like your notion of inclusivity. And knowing that we all KNOW, no matter what the path that led us into the community, nor the path that will inevitably lead us out.

  11. Yes, we have all been there.
    You sound like you are in a really good place.
    Having that selfish reaction before is entirely normal. the important part being that we recognize it and know what to do with it.

    (from the creme)

  12. I’ve kept my blogroll separated, but for a different reason. In four years, I’m down to one blog that is still actively trying — all the others have been successful, chose to live childfree, or (sadly) closed up shop. For me, it’s been so satisfying to see everyone that I invested in find a way to move forward despite IF. I’m planning to throw a little bloggy celebration once we have all moved to the other side.

  13. You are dead on in terms of this being an inclusive group. I have had to distance a bit from blogs that are in later stages of pregnancy only recently, but I keep them around. A great post!

  14. You’re so right! This is an inclusive group. Even being 9 months pregnant with twins I still felt like I didn’t belong in the “successful” group and I still felt that I could relate WAY more to my infertile friends than to my pregnant friends or those that were already moms. I will NEVER forget what I had to get through to get here, and I will always be supportive of others that aren’t quite to the other side of the statistics yet. I too had a hard time looking at blogs from women who had been successful – it’s totally normal. But it is awesome that you were able to get past that -I don’t know that I was that strong!
    Great post=).

  15. Really great post. I run a local face to face support group, and I really push this line of thinking through the group. Sometimes it can be hard to accept, but it opened my heart a lot to understand that I could be understood by people who were on different paths or in different places than I was.

    From the Creme.

  16. Great post. Visiting from Creme de la Creme and I’ll be back often.

  17. Great post! I totally agree with you. We are all in this together.

  18. Thanks! I am a new reader from the Creme.

  19. I wish I’d read this post after my miscarriage last summer. Your attitude is exactly what I needed to hear then, and it’s great to hear it now. Thanks for adding this to Creme de la Creme!

  20. I really loved this post. As a woman who only took a year to get pregnant and only had one ectopic pregnancy I sometimes wonder if I belong in this community at all. My mother had a really intense reproductive story filled with loss, my younger sister died in the hospital and I never got to meet three brothers who were born still. I spent much of my adult life wondering if my story would mirror hers and I think that is why I joined this community so quickly. But still, I’ve frequently felt like an outside, like my journey had not been hard enough to warrant the attention of other bloggers in the ALI community. Thank you for this post and helping me to feel like I am a part of this community, even though I have made it to “the other side.” I still cheer on so many blogging friends, and after two years “here” I’ve seen so many become mothers and so many are pregnant. I love every woman whose blog I follow and I suffer their heartbreak and celebrate their joys with them like I would my other friends. Thank you for this. I hope you are one of the “seven” soon enough.

    Creme de la Creme #125
    Creme de la Creme 2010 Iron Clad Commenter Attempt
    http://esperanzasays.wordpress.com/iron-clad-creme-de-la-creme-commenter/

  21. I love the optimism of this post I am attempting to read all of the posts from Creme and although everyone of you have such important and incredible things to say – sometimes it can make me feel really sad. Your post picked me up and made me hopeful that we all have a baby in our future and we will all still be welcome in this community.

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