No posting lately because I don’t know what to say. I am really hanging on by a thread here.
Things have gotten very bad at work. Very bad.
I am only sleeping a few hours a night and am not really eating. I’m working lots of unpaid overtime and can’t seem to get caught up. My supervisor is treating me not like someone who has completely revamped our accounting system, our marketing, and our online presence; but like someone who is phoning it in.
I am having a really hard time understanding what I should do. She is so very deeply angry with me and I don’t know why. It is obvious to my coworker as well (she actually had tears in her eyes on Friday after hearing how our supervisor was speaking to me) that there is a serious problem.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I am putting the same amount of effort into the same job, and it used to be enough, and now all of a sudden it isn’t. My coworker thinks I should stand up to her, but I am afraid she will just take the next step and fire me. And then what would I do?
I think about quitting, then I wonder how we would pay the damn rent….let alone have surgery. I am very, very afraid that I will go in for surgery and won’t have a job to come back to. Then the insurance won’t pay.
It is very hard for me these days to envision an immediate future that doesn’t involve moving into my mother’s spare bedroom.
Who am I to think I can be a mother? I can’t even handle this goddamn job, and I’ve already proven that I am a failure as an academic. I am so ashamed even to be posting this, because all of you ladies are so successful.
Maybe I will look at this in a few hours and delete.