waiting, part 2

We waited six years after getting married before trying to get pregnant.  It was a long time, but I didn’t know what waiting was.  Once we started trying, three months went by, then six, then a year, and I learned about a whole different kind of waiting.

Waiting for my temperature to go up.

Waiting half an hour on my back with my knees hugged to my chest.

Waiting 2 minutes, then 3, then 10 for the HPT to change color.  Because the problem is just that I haven’t given it enough time, right?

Waiting to see a doctor because there’s not really anything wrong, is there?

Is there?

Waiting for the answer.

Well, I am tired of waiting.  I am too old and too cranky to sit around and wait any more.  My husband and I talked several months ago about waiting till he was finished with his degree before pursuing any kind of treatment for IF–but I am starting to think that life is too short for that.  I have given eight years to waiting and I just don’t have any more time to waste.

That seems like the kind of statement that I ought to be able to follow up with some kind of manifesto, or scheme, or napkin covered with scribbled plans.  I have nothing of the kind.  Nonetheless, it felt good to say it.

Waiting for my temperature to rise each month.
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4 responses to “waiting, part 2

  1. I guess your current manifesto is…waiting to see your RE. I enjoyed all the different timescales in your post. It’s strange to think of a three minute heart pounding pee stick wait as the same species of thing as a three year does the moment seem right yet wait. But they are the same creature.

    I’m very glad you’ve come down against waiting till he’s done before moving forward. Maybe I’m just being a jerk, but chances are this won’t be as hard on him as it will be on you, so he’ll manage fine working on his degree while doing whatever he needs to do. And yeah, maybe you’ll have more money once he graduates and gets a job, but then again, maybe not. I truly think you will feel better once you’ve got some steps to consider. Even if they’re difficult, ugly steps.

    (And regarding your comment to me: YES! BUFFY REFERENCE! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS FOR NOTICING!)

  2. Hi,
    Waiting sucks and you are right to be frustrated! My initial experience with my husband was less than enthusiastic from his end. He had the wait and see approach and the everything will be great approach. I still think he feels like I am overboard about the hole issue. Even when the doctor told me yesterday ,when reviewing my surgery to remove endometriosis, that I would have never been able to conceive naturally without that medical intervention he seemed unphased. He is just so passive in this entire process, he supports me and my choices but never investigates or initiates anything.
    My opinion (which doesn’t mean much) is look into it. It could be an easy fix. Have you had any tests so far??????

  3. I’m at the exact same phase. My husband and I also waited a long time to start trying (9 years). And now I’m waiting for some referrals or something, so I can make an appointment with an RE. I think I have to wait until my PCP gets back from vacation for that. Oh yeah, and I’m waiting for my period to show up on saturday. AND I’m waiting for the end of the work day, because I can’t concentrate on work anyhow!

    Lovely.

  4. Waiting is awful – so so true. I like your new page layout. Hoping you don’t need to wait much longer!

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