This is a follow-up to the previous post, which was getting a little long-winded, even for me.
My wonderful therapist, who doesn’t know anything about yoga, music, or infertility, is trying his best to get me to see other aspects of my life (IF, my admin job) with the same process-oriented focus that I’m able to bring to my artistic practice (in which I include yoga).
Intellectually I can see where he’s leading me. I’m just not there. In yoga, I can be OK even if I never look like that flexible lady I linked to in my last post. In music, if a performance is awful, well, there will be another (presuming I haven’t screwed up badly enough to nix my chances of getting any more gigs). But with IF, it will decidedly NOT be OK if I don’t achieve the desired result.
I will NOT get to try again. If too much time passes I will NOT get another chance. And while I can see that the “process” he’s trying to get me to appreciate is actually the rest of my life, including my marriage and my emotional health, a calm and focused practice will NOT compensate for failure.
And if I should go down the path of ART, there isn’t much about that process that will be fulfilling in itself, in the way that yoga, music, and life are supposed to be. I just can’t see myself enjoying the process of Lupron shots, laparoscopy, or lying down for procedures (for some reason everything has to start with L).